Not Confident? Gain it by being Competent
Not Confident? Get it by being Competent Competence is different than confidence. Being competent is defined as having “sufficient skill, knowledge, experience” or “the ability to do something successfully.” Confidence is a strong belief, being sure of oneself. Becoming competent, like Taylor Swift putting together her greatest songs and a show, is doing a task or skill over and over, refining it and polishing it, and with that, one develops knowledge and experience. One becomes aware of the intricacies, details, and patterns of how to conduct themself…and a sense of confidence grows. I can do this well. Now, when it comes to a young athlete performing in front of an audience, under pressure, that’s a different scenario. Let’s say it’s the day of competition with competitors, officials, and an audience. Your athlete gets a stomach ache, she doesn’t want to fail or let anyone down, she suddenly feels unsure. She feels nervous, and she lacks confidence. Nervousness is natural for competition, but the question is whether they can manage it and still perform well. Competence in doing a skill or routine does not equal competence in performing under pressure. To compete well, there must be a practice of entering competition with a clear mindset: I am ready and I’m going to do well. If they don’t feel ready, then they are not prepared. Your athlete must have competence in managing her thoughts and emotions. Question: Do your athletes practice managing their thoughts and feelings? Do they practice changing “I’m nervous” to “It’s okay, everything will be okay. I’m ready and I can do this” and do they believe it? When an athlete spends all of their time training the physical aptitudes, they will not have competence in mental skills and managing nervousness. When your athlete is nervous, has doubts, fights to have courage but she’s afraid of making mistakes, this is a clear sign – she not only lacks confidence, but she lacks competence in her abilities; her ability to stay in the present moment; her ability to focus on one skill at a time; her ability to breathe in and out slowly and feel calm; her ability to trust that her body knows what to do; and her ability to focus on her own performance instead of the judges or audience. If you wonder, “How can I help my child build confidence?” expose them to mental training. Do it with them, practice breathing in and out slowly with them. Practice positive self-talk each day, “I am calm, I am smart, I am strong.” Practice visualizing in slow motion easy skills that they know they can do. Confidence grows as kids feel competent, when they feel smart and in control of themselves. I can calm my nervous system by breathing slowly, in and out, and imagining I’m at the ocean. I feel safe, and I feel in control of my thoughts, my breath, and my body. Becoming competent in managing personal thoughts, and feeling in control, is not only for sports, but it’s for child development. It’s a life-long journey. Teach kids how to look at a challenge and think of options. Teach them that challenges are great! They are an opportunity to think and make decisions and feel good. Hurray! This helps them build competence in problem solving. Figuring out a problem is not something for the adults only, this is something to discuss and share with kids. In relation to their age, allow them to make choices – what food to put in their lunch, how to organize their backpack, closet, or their schedule, and praise them for their effort! Not the result. If a young athlete thinks and says, “I know how to look at options, I know how to manage a struggle, I can get through it, and I am resilient,” that tells me they can manage making a mistake. Have them repeat those words three times. Really. Because it also transfers to sports. As they learn how to manage their thoughts and emotions, I see a young person who is using their mind and their voice. And in that moment, I see their confidence growing, because they are learning to become more competent. Lisa Mitzel is an author, mental training- and mental health coach. Consider buying her Focused books for you and your kids to learn mental skills and increase self-awareness, self-confidence and mental health.
A New Awakening with Young Coaches
A New Awakening with Young Coaches by Lisa Mitzel, President, Zen Tiger Mind Kyla Ross, Olympian, NCAA National Champion, and current assistant coach at University of Arkansas, is an example of young coaches today. There are a number of former college gymnasts who now coach, and I recently learned that a few current college gymnasts are planning to become coaches in gymnastics. This is a shot of cool. After the NCAA National Championships in April, I spoke to three women gymnasts in Fort Worth who competed in the meet: two rising 5th-year seniors who want to coach, and a third, a rising junior, who wants to become a sport psychologist. These women are not only talented and determined, but very smart. They are committed to education, healthy training, and have worked with sport psychologists in their gymnastics career. They’ve struggled through injury, pushed their bodies to the limits, and endured years of strict regimens to reach their goals. These mental and physical experiences have been great teachers alone. But looking outside of gymnastics, as human beings, they’ve also grown up with a scope of collective pain and uprising in the world: school-gun violence, March for our Lives, Black Lives Matter, injustices against women, the visceral trauma in the Larry Nassar case, the rise in teen suicides, Simone’s vulnerable “twisties” at the Olympics, and the losses and mental health issues from COVID-19. For any human, these are major events. College gymnasts today are part of a wave of young adults and future coaches who’ve seen a lot of human strength, vulnerability, pain, and suffering. As these women graduate and begin the path of coaching or working in sport psychology, they have a great opportunity to forge a new awakening in sports. As they move into a professional work life, they’ll be looking through a unique lens, standing up for those who are smaller and weaker or don’t have a voice. They can lead with passion and contribute their voices to the gymnastics culture for young girls and boys who need inspiring adults to guide them. It is not a trivial or simple task to “be the future of gymnastics.” It is a brave process to create real change, which requires persistence and a sound connection to human values. As a former NCAA competitor, myself, I know the transition into coaching is exciting, humbling, and a lot of hard work. But I put my trust in these college women gymnasts, because I see and hear maturity and compassion in them; I see the light in their eyes. For the rest of us, it’s letting go of our ego as young coaches step up. It’s important to honor them, their real experiences, and welcome their energy, ideas, and point of view. Finally, for mental health and wellness in gymnastics, and for changing the culture, I believe these women — soon to be coaches — will lift us up to new heights. So do not only cheer for these college gymnasts, but open your hearts and minds to them as leaders of the future. #
“Coach Lisa! Did You See Me!”
“Coach Lisa! Did You See Me!” by Lisa Mitzel, President, Zen Tiger Mind A few years ago, I had a temporary gig to coach a team of level 4 gymnasts in the springtime. It was upgrade season, or “play time” in gymnastics to learn new skills. And while the owner was looking to hire a new coach, I was the sub. The nine girls I coached were 8-11 years old, and they were starting to do bigger tumbling skills on floor: side aerials, punch front tucks, and the big kahuna, round-off, back handspring, back tuck. Technically, these girls needed a lot of work. But my goodness, how they were ready to send their bodies flying through the air! One day, their energy was popping off the gym walls. I told them, “Choose a skill you want to learn, and I’ll help you.” With happy eyes, they took turns, attempted flips, and giggled. They looked at me and said, “Coach Lisa! Did you see me! I almost landed on my feet!” They tumbled, flipped, and landed in the soft resi-pit, first, and quickly they wanted to do the skills on the hard floor. I felt like a kid myself, watching them, coaching, and cheering for them. I had nearly forgotten the childhood thrill of punching into the air and doing new flips with my body. Practice became organized chaos as I let the girls “play.” I requested they focus on small technical improvements. Tiny ones. I complimented them, I reminded them to focus, and abracadabra, they got better! I was so happy, I said, “You’re so close, I know you can do it!” After one girl made a side aerial for the first time, she ran to another coach and shouted, “I did it! I learned a side aerial!” And she ran back to do more. What was happening was incredible—it was freedom. Freedom to take risks, flip, and fly. Freedom to play in the gym, instead of quietly following instructions. Freedom to try something new, learn from mistakes, and just feel excited about learning. Five out of nine girls learned a new skill that day, and their confidence got a big boost. Isn’t it amazing what kids can do when we mix in the ability to choose and the freedom to play? As I wrote in the blog “A Partnership Across the Ocean,” Zen Tiger Mind and Quatro Gymnastics have a mission to support gymnasts in developing healthy minds and bodies and confidence in gymnastics and life. #